


To Die

by NahomieAdwoa



Series: Memories [1]
Category: Lost Odyssey
Genre: Character Death, F/M, but they're immortal so, they're not dead long!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-11-22
Packaged: 2018-04-21 09:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4823414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NahomieAdwoa/pseuds/NahomieAdwoa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Waiting for you to wake up was terrorizing. Is that what it felt like when you were there, waiting for me?” Kaim and Sarah’s first three times witnessing each others demise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I.

He saw her fall from some feet away and knew there wasn't any way he could catch her in time, even with his fastest pace. She wasn't some enemy down on her luck, though, so Kaim felt the need to at least see if she was going to be okay; or maybe be with a stranger in her last moments of life.

He knew in the back of his mind that she wouldn't live long, not from the height she fell from, but sometimes mortals were lucky enough. He had seen his fair share of people who have come back from illness and injury as if it were nothing but a minor inconvenience. They could walk it off, not unlike the way Kaim could with every death he experienced.

This woman was not so lucky. Even with her torn dress tangled around her, he could see that her limbs were at odd angles, and one of her legs twisted behind her unnaturally. The fall broke almost everything that he could see, and left her busted, bruised, and bleeding. There were papers and books spread out haphazardly around her, and he was left to wonder what she was trying to do up top that odd Toscan cliff. The ocean waves beat up on the sand to his right, and there was a storm coming soon, if not that night; and she could have hurt herself anyway if she was caught in the rain on those rocks. That was beside the point, though. She had already fallen. She was already close to death.

He bent down and saw that she was breathing, slow wet breaths. Blood dribbled from the corner of her mouth and flowed freely from her forehead into her eye. Kaim tilted his head a little. Even in his unending life he could remember most faces, and hers almost seemed familiar. Yet, there wasn't any way he had met her before. It puzzled him.

"Oh," she gasped out, finally noticing his presence. The word came out in almost a whisper. He knelt on the ground next to her. "Oh," she said again. "That hurt."

"Shh." Kaim moved her brown hair out of her pale face, carefully feeling around her neck. Somehow it was spared, and he felt it was safe to tilt her head towards him. "That pain will go away soon," he said to her kindly. He wondered briefly if he should just end it here and now. His hands were in the right position, but he let his hands move away from her face. This wasn't the battlefield. This wasn't some nameless soldier who was bleeding and begging for a swift end. She wasn't saying anything otherwise, so instead he set a hand gently on her shoulder. Some tiny little piece of him to let her know she wasn't alone in her last moment of life. Her lips twitched upwards as if she understood the meaning.

"Really, is this it?" Kaim let her speak. These were her last words after all, and ones he wouldn't soon forget. "Is this what it feels like to die? So cold. Can't feel a thing. Not at all like…what I've read." A tear ran down her cheek. She coughed a little and he could tell in her eyes that she was fading fast. After another moment, she took in one last shaky breath. "And all of my books are probably ruined."

Kaim watched as she closed her eyes and felt the last breath leave her body. _What an odd thing for her to say_ , he wondered. He looked around to see if there was anyone nearby in hopes he could have some assistance in what he needed to do next, but this woman was truly alone. _What a sad sort life_ , though he wondered if it was any different than his. If anything it was worse to have died after so short a life. She didn’t even look like she had reached her thirties.

He couldn't just leave her here in the woods; all sprawled out and ready for whatever beast came to pick what was left. Kaim took a moment to think, and decided to correct her position. He rolled her fully onto her back and straightened out that leg. When she was finally laying peaceful-like on the ground, he broke off some big leafed plants nearby to cover her with, and then turned back towards the little village he just left.

. . .

_She was so worried about those books, I wonder if I should have brought them back with me. Maybe someone would have recognized the odd collection and told me who she was._ An hour later into his journey back to the dead woman, Kaim was a little lost in thought. It bothered him that he was so concerned by the mystery girl. She was alive only minutes in his life, and he didn't even know her. But here he was, carrying a blanket he purchased to wrap the poor woman in.

_Maybe if I take her back into town someone will be able to tell her family. If she has one._

He pushed the leaves away and noticed that she was starting to stiffen a little. He was lucky enough to get back before she became too rigid. He lifted her up easily and carefully positioned her onto the blanket. He still wondered why he cared so much about this mortal he had just barely met, but the last look on her face and the sad realization that her books were all ruined seemed to haunt him. Even more than some of the soldiers he's killed in wars past. Maybe it was because of the short life she lived, or the weird loneliness of knowing she only had her books to keep her company. She looked like she was trying to accomplish something, but now she'll never get the chance. There wasn't a last wish in her last breath, so he didn't know if she needed something done with the books she was so haphazardly carrying about her. There were too many unknowns and too many questions unanswered, and Kaim speculated he was going to think about her for the next century. Just another tortured face in his sea of memories.

He looked down at her again. Brown hair a mess, bruises all over, a little mole poked out from beneath her left eye; almost hidden by the dirt mixed in with blood that still lay sticky on her white cheek. He took the corner of a blanket and brushed away what he could. She at least deserved some dignity in death.

Just as he was going to tuck the last of her hair into the folded blanket, her eyes popped open. Kaim couldn't remember the last time he shrieked in fright and after a minute he realized that this was the first time.

"Ow!" The woman was shaking her head. "What is this? It's like a cocoon!"

"How?" Kaim remembered her soft, last breath. Felt it slowly move out of her. He blinked in surprise. "What?"

"Unwrap me please!" she was looking at him with an almost smile on her face. "I need out, and you have got some serious folding skills."

Kaim unfolded the blanket with deft fingers and watched as she stretched her hands. "I've got feeling in my fingers first. Alright, noted. Toes, too."

He watched as she slowly said aloud all of her body parts that were popping back into place. She jerked and winced as bones and tendons rearranged and formed under her suddenly unbruised skin. She looked to be in an immense amount of pain, but Kaim was not expecting: "Everything is so hot! It's _fascinating_!"

Kaim knew that no human could do this. At least not a mortal one. "You're like me." And he didn't realize he had said it out loud until he looked at the woman's face. She was blinking as if she was trying to understand what he meant by those words. "I mean—"

"Kaim Argonar." She smiled at him and lifted a shaky hand. It would seem that her body had finally finished its healing. "I know you! Or at least. In books." She blushed a little.

Kaim took her hand and helped her up slowly. Her legs shook for a moment and she had to hang onto him for a few seconds to catch her balance. When she felt like she could finally let go of him, she began a little exercise routine. She rotated her arms, did little squats, and stretched out her back and legs. He thought she almost looked a little comical doing all of this in her torn dress.

She wiped the drying blood off of her mouth and forehead with the back of her hand, then she began to pick up all of the papers and what was left of her books. "Oh, it's going to take me a decade to find more copies of these," she was muttering to herself in exasperation. "And I'm going to need new glasses." She clicked her tongue in disappointment.

Kaim helped, carefully picking up halves and thirds of books, and tried to remember her name. He hardly remembered waking up in this world and seeing just glimpses of those he came here with before they silently went their separate ways. He couldn’t rememeber how he came to be in this world, almost like his memories were wiped clean. All he could recall was his name.

"Oh, dear, sorry." She grabbed the books from his hands, setting them into a pile on the grass. She probably saw his confused expression. "You probably don't remember me. I mean it was very confusing when we woke up in this world, and it was quite silly of us not to introduce ourselves. Not that I could remember your face, or their faces, anyway. Oh, Sarah Sisulart." She gave him a shy smile. "Thank you for staying with me for…that. It was my first time." She bent over to drop some more papers down into her pile. "Dying that is," she added.

"It's a little scary," he chipped in, not sure what he was really doing. He couldn't remember the last time he spoke to someone in an informal manner. _A decade or two?_ "It's happened to me a few times."

"Just a few?" she asked with another shy smile. Her voice was so very breathy and soft from the rebirth, but Kaim could also hear a little bit of amusement. "From what I read, mysterious mercenary, you've lived some centuries of war and have never _fallen_. I've tracked you, on my downtime. From your first victory recorded until the last one that was just in the Toscan paper a few weeks ago. I mean, isn't five hundred years of fighting a long time? Aren't you tired and ready to move onto something more…less deathly?" Her face turned a deep red. "I am so sorry. You've probably seen the world, and here I am mocking your life—your livelihood. I can't imagine what you've seen and maybe even who you have helped along the way. It's not my place to say anything."

There was an awkward silence. Kaim cleared his throat. "It's been four-hundred and thirty-six years," he corrected. He laughed at her ever reddening face. He gave her his best grin. "But who's counting?"

Sarah laughed at that, and Kaim found the sound of her laugh very lovely. "If you put it that way," she said finally looking at his face. Her lips were dry, there was one bruise that was slowly turning green under her cheek, there was still a bit of a stain from the blood on her forehead, but Kaim thought she was beautiful. "Thank you for your help. I think I better go back to Tosca before they notice I'm missing."

Kaim offered to help with the books, but she shook her head. "I'm sure it would be weird enough for you to go back through that town again. Besides, I'll be okay. I can't die, right?" She smiled again, bowing slightly. He watched her back as she made her way through the trees to the village, her limp very slowly shifting into a normal gait.

"Sarah. I wonder if we'll meet again?" he asked himself, before folding his blanket, picking up his things, and heading in the opposite direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first story on AO3! Definitely not my first story written ever, though. This is the first one I've written for Lost Odyssey, and let me tell you, it was a pretty fun and easy story to write! This fandom needs some more love.  
> I did almost put the whole story into one chapter, but I fear that it would have just been too much for the eyes! I'll probably update this again soon! (I mean it's done and sitting in my folder anyway.) The last two chapters are a bit longer than this one!


	2. II

 II.

A century and a half has gone by and what it has brought is another war for the immortal mercenary. This was turning into a long one, though what was a century to mortals seemed like minutes for Kaim. He had hidden himself in the Gohtzan ranks, but of course like events always played out in the life of battles, he found himself in a leadership position. Sometimes it was hard to be an immortal, and even harder when people of power found out.

He commanded his ‘small’ troop of eight hundred up the mountains. _Familiar mountains_ , he reminded himself. How could he forget them with so short of a time between their meeting? The guarded mountains of Tosca were steep and not inviting, but Kaim needed to get through anyway. His mission was to take over Tosca—actually to take _back_ Tosca—which had been stolen from the Gohtzan king by some crazy man. There wasn’t much information about what was going on in the mysterious village, so the king made sure to send Kaim with what he needed. He hoped, though, that he would not need to fight any people. For Gohtza, this was a setback, an annoying situation to deal with while trying to win against the opposing Uhran army.

Kaim wiped at the sweat on the back of his neck. It was summer and the lack of shade, and intense humidity, did not help cool his army down. The exertion of the uphill climb left this army feeling hot and miserable. The thought of staying out in the heat was sure to make even this normally rational immortal a little irritated, but he did his best not to get snappy. Everyone expected this to be a quick defeat, especially with the amount of men that made up this troop. Kaim reminded himself of the short conversation behind this annoying venture.

_“I need this to be swift, Argonar,” the king had said up on his throne. “We cannot reach the coast with that man controlling Tosca. Who knew he would inconvenience us this much.”_

_“He should not be defying an order from His Majesty himself,” Kaim said, bowing respectfully. “I will take care of it, and make sure he doesn’t have that chance to defy again."_

_“Good. Leave first thing.”_

And now two weeks later they have come to the top of the mountain, and headfirst into a weave of magic. Kaim was unused to magic, he couldn’t even wrap his mind around trying to cast a spell, but his sharp eyes and ears could almost sense it. There was a little bit of a waver in the air, like everything was blurry, and an almost hum thrummed through him. He held out a hand for his men to stop and turned to them. “It’s a barrier, you may not be able to see it. We can’t pass through.” He couldn’t remember meeting a magician in the area the last time he was near here, though that was almost three generations ago. He wondered how this little place acquired one. One hundred and fifty years has passed and he guessed anything could happen, but this wasn’t on his list of possibilities to expect of the little village.

His men, very tired and thirsty, set their weapons to the ground and began to set up for their noonday meal. Kaim gathered who he could and pointed them to the nearest river for water. He then put a hand to the barrier, a buzz feeling surging through his fingertips, and tried to feel for a weakness. _None that I can sense. The only way I can knock this down is by killing the user, I think_. He frowned. He had thought this could be a one man defeat. Now he has to kill two people.

The town itself was very eerily quiet. He remembered there being kids and people all around enjoying the day. Even the warm weather wouldn’t interrupt this village. Now there wasn’t a soul outside. He questioned how long it would take for the people of Tosca to notice they were even there. With one last feel of the invisible wall in front of him, Kaim turned around to join his men.

Kaim was in the middle of his small portion of lunch when he heard soldiers turn their attention behind them. He looked over his shoulder and saw that people were slowly coming out of the houses. Tosca was not a big village. Really, there couldn’t be more than three hundred people living there, so it didn’t take long for everyone to get outside. They all stood kind of staring, but also as if they were waiting to be told what exactly to do.

He spotted the mad man in the middle of the crowd. He was disheveled and pale, with dark rings under his eyes. Kaim noticed that he darted around like someone was going to attack him every second of his life. He was barking out orders, muffled but just loud enough for Kaim’s ears to pick up. The immortal’s brow furrowed. _Using a human shield on top of your barrier? Children no less. Who does this guy think he is?_

Kaim gathered his men and they stood in a line, shields up and defensive. The man crowded the children closer to him, and Kaim could practically feel the disgust from the soldiers run down the line. “Stand down,” he called out.

“Or what?” the man croaked from behind the invisible wall. “You’ll kill the children?”

Kaim didn’t say another word. Instead he scanned the crowd for anyone who might fit the role of magician. No one carried a staff, or had the look of someone concentrating on the barrier. He found that those who studied magic sometimes wore odd looking robes, as if to let everyone know they were different. Sometimes there were ones who were arrogant enough to say they were more important, but these villagers all looked to be normal mortals. From what he could see of the front row of people there didn’t seem to be anyone who fit the bill. Kaim called out to his line of men, “archer’s ready your bows.” And despite the heaviness in his heart he watched as the men knocked an arrow and unsteadily pointed them upward. “We will find where this wall ends.” The children flinched, but the man behind them didn’t change his expression. Kaim’s frown deepened. “If you can avoid hitting the kids—”

“Wait, wait, _wait_!” There was someone jostling the crowd and getting closer to the leader in the center. Kaim wanted to think he almost couldn’t recognize Sarah, but knew he could never forget her face. Even if she had glasses perched on her nose. He watched as the woman reached the guarded man saying, “let me speak to them! Let me speak to them! Maybe there’s another way, _please_!”

The man looked as if he didn’t hear her. Kaim could tell she was about two seconds away from screaming the request, this time directly into his ear, before he finally waved his hand and said, “sure, sure, whatever, just don’t let them in.”

Sarah thanked him, however begrudgingly, and came right up to the barrier. Kaim watched as she waved her hand, palm out, over a small section of the wall, and fit her head right through. _Of course she’s the magic user,_ Kaim thought to himself, feeling a little uneasy. Sarah was probably advanced enough that she wouldn’t need a staff all the time. She probably didn’t even need to concentrate too much to keep the barrier up.

She looked almost surprised to see him as she motioned for him to come closer. “Don’t shoot the woman. I’ll talk to her,” he ordered behind him, before getting closer to the wall. “Sarah,” he whispered.

“Oh, Kaim!” She gave him a weary smile. “Nice to see you. Not nice circumstances I suppose.”

“What’s going on? Who is this guy?”

Sarah sighed, rolling her eyes. “He’s the new _King of Tosca_ , wouldn’t you know? An irritating little bug of a man who can’t seem to keep his hands off of anything. He’s crazy and controlling and had I come down from my overseas stay sooner I might have been able to prevent it. All of this. Sorry, I tend to ramble, you know,” she added with a blush.

Kaim shook his head, not minding at all. He remembered the talkative woman, with an almost smile. It wasn’t the time for that now. “How long has he been in control?”

“Five years. I was gone from this town for seven. I had planned to come back sooner, but I got distracted by a very well thought out dissertation a professor was giving back in Khent, and it was just so wonderful, I just had to learn more. And there I was, three years late from returning and some fool had scared the poor villagers into oppression. I couldn’t do a thing about it.” She looked dejected.

“Have you tried killing him?”

It was her turn to shake her head. Turning a little pale, she whispered more quietly, “unlike you, I’ve never taken a life. I can’t bring myself to do it.”

Kaim nodded. He very well couldn’t have her do that now. She looked so very stricken. “We need a plan.”

“I _could_ take down this barrier, but he knows it.” Sarah bit her lip. “He’s studied magic—I have no idea _who_ would even take him and teach him!—although he can’t cast it well enough himself, he’s aware of the signs and noise and will surely hurt the children he has around him if I take it down willingly. The bastard can’t even fight for himself.”

Kaim put a hand to his chin. Sarah couldn’t take the wall down. What other options could they think of? “How far does it reach?”

“I’ve made a curve of it. It’s a domed wall. I’m sorry, he requested it.” Sarah sighed.

“Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

There was a moment of thought. Kaim was coming up blank, but Sarah blinked a few times and chewed on her lip again. He tilted his head. It looked like she was planning something. She leaned in closer. “You could kill me."  
  
Kaim was shaking his head before she even finished the sentence. “Out of the question.”

Sarah nodded her head almost eagerly. “He’s not going to expect it! I’m the death defying _witch_ , or so he thinks. He has no idea another person might be able to kill me. It would shock him.”

“No.”

“Kaim. You’ll be at this for _days_. Meanwhile the people of Tosca won’t sleep or eat, and he’ll make sure of it. They’ll be told to stand outside and wait for death before he lets you into this place. And I can’t take this wall down. I _won’t_ take this down if that means children’s lives are in danger. I would never be forgiven if that happened, nor could I forgive myself. I _can_ make a break large enough for you to put your sword through—”

“I’ve heard enough—”

“—and when I get hit, the wall will go down and there is your chance. Do you have a good archer?”

Kaim found himself nodding, then shaking his head. “You’re talking crazy. I’m not going to kill you. We’ll think of something.”

“I’m immortal,” she whispered. “It’ll be quick and easy, and, before you know it, I’ll be back.”

Kaim grimaced. As logical as it sounded, he didn’t want to do this. “I _can’t_.”

“You _can_! Just pretend I’m the most hated villain in the world!”

“This isn’t one of your books, Sisulart!” Kaim hissed. Sarah grew quiet for a moment. “I won’t kill you. I…can’t.”

“You can.” Sarah looked at him in the eye. “Or else you’ll watch these people suffer. Days and possibly weeks and they’ll all fall and die one by one. What will you say to your king then? You couldn’t kill _one woman_ who stood in your way? You watched the children of Tosca die right before you? Let this be done quickly. Can you honestly think of another way? I can’t do it. Not with my magic. He’s already got a barricade of people and if I accidently let out too much fire or ice I could very well make a mess of it. Black magic isn’t my forte, and I don’t have the strength or skill to use a weapon.”

“Just let down the wall—”

Sarah shook her head. “Won’t work. He’s trained. He’ll know immediately what I have done. And then what? I take down the barrier and he kills one child, or even more, before you can get a clear shot? If I take down the wall willingly, the magic takes a few moments to weave itself out. He will hurt someone. If you kill me, it’ll go down almost instantly. The shock will immobilize him and in the meantime your archer can shoot him. It’ll work. He’s so wrapped around the idea that I cannot be beaten.”

Kaim didn’t shake his head. One renewable life in exchange for an easy shot of victory. If he didn’t do it, more than one person would die and not come back into being. There wasn’t another way unless he left the mountain and came back with his own magician; and that’s valuable time lost. He put a hand on the sword beside him. Was it going to be so easy to kill her? To twist his sword into an innocent, though eternal, woman?

Sarah must have seen the question in his eyes. “I’m immortal,” she reminded him again, as if he needed the reminder to change his mind. “It will hurt, but I’ll get over it. Promise.” She gave him a smile that said this plan was going to work, like it couldn’t possibly have any repercussions to anybody. He refused to give her a reassuring smile back.

“Miles!”

A soldier walked forward, bow at hand. “This is the plan.”

He let Sarah fill him in on the arrangement. The soldier looked a little confused that this harmless woman was willing to hurt herself so greatly, even possibly die, for this town, but he agreed without a word and stepped back behind the line as he was ordered.

“What’s taking so long, woman?”

Kaim glared at the man in the center of the field. Sarah nodded her head to him, giving him a silent indication that this was the opening they were looking for. She wiped away a part of the wall just above her heart, and turned to say, “Hold on! I think I’m working it ou—”

Kaim struck true, and added in a quick whisper, “if you start to come around, stay down.” Before twisting the sword in place. Sarah’s eyes popped open wide and before she could do anything, the breath was left out of her and she stumbled forward unmoving. Kaim caught her just as Miles sent an arrow through the mad man’s neck. She was right. No one was expecting that, and the barrier had dissolved instantly. That gave them the advantage.

Pandemonium broke out. People were running around and screaming. Some children were being snatched right away from the mess and others were left staring at the dying man in horror. Kaim lay Sarah down on the ground, and told his men to start packing up and to make their way back down the mountain with Miles at the command. He would return back to the capitol once everything was in place here. Pulling the sword out of Sarah’s chest, he made his way to the middle of the town. By now everyone was either inside or had made a clearing away from the scene. The children still stared as Kaim neared them. He looked down at the crazy man, who still struggled for breath. They looked up at the mercenary.

“Don’t look,” he warned before he stuck the sword right into the man’s heart. He stilled instantly.

Kaim pulled the sword out and turned to the people. There was a woman clutching her child very close to her. She looked down when his gaze stopped on her. “I’m here on account of the King, to free this town from this man,” he said to her in his kindest voice. She looked up at him when he did. “I need this town to get back into shape. Get an Elder and report back to the King. I won’t be leaving until this happens.”

“You…you killed our healer!”

Kaim looked over to a group of angry looking villagers. They were closing in on him, but he was not afraid of them. He bent over to wipe his blade in the grass, noting it wasn’t just the man’s blood he was wiping away. He pushed that thought back. The leader of the group pointed down the little hill where Sarah lay still. “You killed her! She kept us safe!”

Kaim stood up straight and looked down at him with the most intense stare he could muster. The man took a little step back. “She’s not dead.”

He picked up his sword, sheathed it, and walked away from the gathered people. He stooped down next to Sarah and lifted her easily off the ground. _You seem even lighter than last time_ , he thought to himself. She twitched in his arms and her breathing was coming back in little gasps at his touch. Her heart was pounding, adrenaline rushing, but he could already tell she was starting to heal. He carried her back up the hill and towards the small group of people. “Where does she live?”

The villagers pointed. Kaim carried her silently without anyone stopping him. Her little house was almost covered entirely in books, having barely enough space to walk through. He set her gently on what he hoped was her bed and cleared away papers from underneath her. “You can open your eyes.”

Sarah’s eyes fluttered open and she slowly looked over to Kaim. “That hurt a lot less than last time.”

Kaim couldn’t meet her face. She was trying to make light of the situation, but he was not ready for that. He made it a point in his existence to not take the life of an innocent, and somehow mostly stuck to that rule. Watching the life rush out of Sarah brought on emotions he was unprepared for, and those sentiments were currently vying for his attention. Instead, he busied himself with picking up a few of the scattered books and setting them neatly along the walls.

Sarah lifted herself off of the bed slowly and began rubbing the new skin that laced itself over her chest. Her dress was torn, but the flesh underneath had finished stitching itself up. “It’s itchy,” she said more to herself.

Kaim took no notice. After clearing a walkway through her home he turned to leave without another word.

. . .

A week had gone by and the little village of Tosca was finally gathering together. Kaim had made it as clear as possible that he wasn’t out to hurt them but to help them with what they needed. Some of the villagers were a little wary of him, but must were very thankful that he took care of that impossible _King of Tosca_.

He hadn’t made it back to see Sarah since the incident and didn’t trust himself to keep his emotions at bay when he was around her. Instead, he helped the people elect an Elder—a small, middle-aged man with very good intentions—and helped patch-up houses and other small things around the village that had gone into disrepair.

It was the last morning before Kaim began his journey back that Sarah finally made it out of her house. She at least had the decency to make it look like she was recovering from a wound rather than coming quickly back to life. She went back into the rhythm of healing and helping those who needed her. Kaim watched her interact with the people of the village. She always seemed to have the perfect book to give to those who needed them and a warm smile to everyone she met.

“They call her a witch, you know.”

Kaim looked over at the Eldar. His arms were crossed, but he nodded towards Sarah. “She’s been here for as long as I can remember and she doesn’t look a day older. It’s like Tosca’s best kept secret.”

Kaim made a non-committal noise from the back of his throat. He knew exactly why she didn’t age. “No one has ever tried to sell her away?”

He shook his head. “She’s too good to these people. She has helped us too many times, and we owe her almost everything we have. But she doesn’t mind so long as she can come back here any time she leaves. I’m very thankful you spared her life. We all are.” The Eldar patted Kaim’s shoulder and excused himself after that. If only they knew that he and Sarah couldn’t die.

Kaim looked up at the cloudless sky. It was nearing mid-morning and if he left now he could make it to Saman by the next daybreak if he ran the whole way. An easy feat that he had done before. With a hand to the hilt of his sword he made his way over to their little market to buy provisions before he set out.

And just as he took his first few steps, Sarah appeared before him. “We need to talk.”

“And I need to leave.” Kaim made to step around her but she threw her arms out. He sighed, slightly annoyed. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Come over to my place. I’ve made some tea.”

She then walked away from him. Kaim knew he could just leave. Nothing in the world could stop him physically. He could buy his things and never look back at this place for another century or three if he wanted. It’s been done before and there were no ramifications on his end. There was one difference, though. Unlike the mortals he could just leave and maybe forget about, Sarah wasn’t going to die. She can’t die. If she wanted to, she could follow him forever just to have this _talk_. He had no doubts that she would do that. Everywhere he looked there Sarah would be, asking to have tea and conversation. Always around the corner. He rubbed his aching skull. There couldn’t be any avoidance of this situation. Instead of stepping up to the market he turned around and followed the stubborn woman back to her house.

Kaim wouldn’t call her house cleaner, but she did at least try to organize the area. Books were stacked in all corners and papers were piled neatly on her desks. There was moving space between rooms, and a table he hadn’t noticed before that sat in her living room, or whatever she called it. On it waited a smoking teapot and two full mugs. He closed the door after him, and she poked her head out from the kitchen with a smile. “There should be two seats! I think I’ve cleared them off!”

She did. He sat down with a sigh staring down at the liquid in front of him. It swirled a dark caramel color, but he didn’t think he had the stomach to taste it yet. After a few minutes of clanging around, Sarah reappeared through the doorway with a little metal tray of scones. “I’ve been meaning to bake something to get rid of the flour in my cupboards. Sometimes I get to be so busy I forget to eat! There are times that I pass out for a second and then realize that I need something to keep me going.” She set the tray down with another little smile on her face. Kaim wasn’t all that amused.

It was almost like she didn’t care that she could _die_ of starvation. He knew exactly what that sensation looked like, and had experienced it a few times himself. He knew the feeling of dying until something reached his stomach. To keep on waking up after falling asleep into another cycle of death was terrifying, and Sarah had no idea what she could almost be doing to herself. Kaim figured that her forgetting to eat days at a time was probably the reason why she felt so light to carry, and that didn’t make him any happier to be sitting down for any type conversation with the woman.

She sat down across from him and picked up her mug of tea. She sipped at it with a sigh of content. “I always forget how much I love these spices.” She then began to eat a scone as if he was here to talk about the weather. He actually didn’t know the reason why he was sitting across from her, but hoped it wasn’t to talk about something so asinine.

Kaim watched as she ate her scone and sipped at her tea, and gave him smiles as she wiped crumbs off of her cheek. “Aren’t you hungry?”

“Why did you tell me to come over here?” Kaim crossed his arms and didn’t hide his frustration. “I’m sure it wasn’t for this.”

Sarah frowned and set her cup down. “I thought we might get to know each other.”

Kaim tapped his foot. Vexation winning his expression. “This is not the time. I have to report back to the King, so you’ll excuse me.” He made to get out of his seat, but Sarah waved her hand, motioning for him to sit back down.

“Come on, just have a cup of tea.”

“I don’t want any.”

“Don’t act like a child, Kaim Argonar.”

“Don’t pretend to know me, Sisulart. Just because you’ve read about me doesn’t mean you know anything about my life.”

Sarah bit into another scone, and Kaim knew he was correct in thinking she had not eaten in the past few days with the way she just ate three pastries. “Then we should change that.”

Kaim frowned. “I like it this way.”

“Oh, come on!” Sarah pouted a little and Kaim wondered just _who_ was acting like a child. “I don’t meet immortals every day! I want to know about what you have learned about the world!”

Kaim didn’t say a word. Sarah pushed up her glasses that sunk on her nose. “Is this about you killing me?” she asked suddenly.

Kaim didn’t respond, but he could tell she knew the answer by the way he tensed up. His foot even stopped tapping for a second. “I knew it! Kaim, I’m _fine_!”

“It doesn’t change anything.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means.” Here Kaim’s voice rose a little in anger. “It means that it doesn’t change the way I feel just because you’re _fine_.”

Sarah grew quiet. Kaim continued. “I’ve seen you die twice now. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen plenty of people die. I’ve seen worse deaths than the ones you read in all of these books, but when I have to kill someone I don’t want to kill it’s different. Killing you, someone I care—it’s…” Kaim struggled with his next few words. He couldn’t even try to define this relationship. He didn’t really know her, though that didn’t stop him from feeling something. She was like him, an immortal, and that was almost akin to a bond; if he could call it that. “It’s like I lose a part of the real me.”

Sarah tilted her head. She had an inquiring look about her that Kaim was finding he didn’t like right now. “The real you?”

Kaim pinched the bridge of his nose and wondered if it was possible for immortals to get migraines. “I have lived too long and have seen so much. It’s hard for me to make connections with people when I know in an instant their lives can end, while I just get back up from the disaster and keep on living. I keep on traveling, I keep on fighting, I keep on pushing people away, but I can’t keep everyone out. I grow to like these mortals and then life gets complicated.

“I’ve seen so many people I’ve grown to like just die in front of me. There might be an earthquake—” Kaim flinched recalling the loved ones he lost those years ago. His wife with the beautiful laugh. His daughter’s bright smile, all taken away from him too soon. He shook his head as if the physical movement would allow him to forget her small hands carefully carrying flowers around as if they would break with one false move. He didn’t mean to think about that disaster, and all the other reasons why being immortal meant living in agony. “But I still rise from the terror and have to move on. I lose myself with every death of someone I care for. Bit by bit.”

“You know I can relate.”

Kaim looked up almost exasperated, but changed his mood after seeing her teary eyes. “Not exactly—not in the exact same way as you. I may not be in the middle of wars, but _I am_ on the side. Too many times I have seen what soldiers do to each other to win. I’ve seen the bodies, dead and living, that come back to places like Tosca or Gohtza. That’s why I do my best to heal and comfort, but even then it’s not enough. It’s not enough to keep them going, or to keep them happy. A lot of people take their lives after coming home, after being called a hero, because they can’t live with what they have done or what they have experienced. I see it in their eyes, in their gestures, and I know I can heal their physical pain and ailments. Not so much their heart.” Sarah was tapping her mug as if the little tinks will stop her from crying.

“And to watch children lose their mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters. To see them die of disease, starvation, the ill will of others. Sometimes I fear, well, actually, I _know_ I lose myself a little every time I can’t save someone from something I can’t even control. And maybe that’s why I don’t leave this little town too often. Tosca is such a safe place, so far away from the battlefield. It’s like…I can’t bear the thought of watching what this war you’re fighting will do to the mortals that walk this earth. And I think that’s why I hold myself back from loving with all of my being. It’s easier to smile that way.” A tear slipped down her cheek and she brushed her face with the back of her hand. Kaim could almost laugh at the streak of crumbs that lay on her face after the motion, but it wasn’t the time.

“I am so afraid to find someone to talk to because they won’t be here the next day. Maybe they won’t even make it through the next week.” She chewed on her lip again, and avoided Kaim’s eyes. “And I know I have to move on sometime and try to make deeper connections, and learn about these people, but I’m afraid of making those relationships. That’s why…”

Kaim watched as she downed the last of her ever growing cold tea. She cleared her throat. “That’s why I want to get to know you. A fellow immortal. To have at least one connection I know won’t leave me forever. It’ll be good practice, you know?” There was a moment’s pause, and then she added in a hushed tone. “And if making you kill me has ruined those chances, I understand. And I’m sorry. So, so very sorry. It must not be easy to get over something like that. You’re right. I can’t even imagine what those memories are like.”

Sarah wiped at her eyes and brushed the crumbs off of her face. Kaim didn’t know what to say. He could tell, though, that her apology was coming from her heart, and that he couldn’t just leave and never speak to her again. So he took a sip of the cold tea. “It’s good.”

She looked up smiling again, and Kaim enjoyed that expression on her face. She looked beautiful that way. “Really? Mostly it’s just me that eats my own cooking so it’s a pleasure to hear that!”

Kaim took a bite of one of the last remaining scones, and gave her a smile of his own. “Rest assured that your cooking is edible.”

Sarah laughed at that.

. . . 

Kaim stayed an extra day longer to talk to Sarah and the people of Tosca. They seemed to trust him even more when they saw the two of them, enjoying their time together as they helped the little village. When it was finally time to go, and as Kaim gathered what he needed from the market, he met Sarah again. She handed him a stack of paper and envelopes. “Stay in touch, Kaim. I don’t want another century to pass before I hear from you again.”

Kaim took the papers with gentleness and a grin. “Of course. I’ll try and swing around if I can manage it.”

Her smile stretched to her cheeks. “I would really appreciate that. I’ll let you know if I’m around, so write first!”

With a nod and a wave Kaim made his way back down the hill. When he reached the bottom, he looked back up to see Sarah helping a young child with something, going back into helper mode. At least he knew she would keep busy while she waited for a letter, and he found himself enjoying the thought of having a pen pal.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter is the longest! I'll update again in a few days! Thank you to those who have read so far!


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. I know I said I would post the last chapter in a few days and that turned into two months. Sorry.
> 
> Thank you in advance for finishing out this story! I'm thinking about writing some more for this fandom because I can't get over this story. Here's to hoping one day we'll see some more of it!

III.

Sarah thought her life was truly coming to an end as she watched Kaim fall in slow motion.

. . .

“How did you convince me to go with you? Here of all places!”

It was the three hundredth year of their meeting, and Kaim had taken some time away from the mercenary business to spring a little vacation for Sarah. Sarah, who was so very taken back at the notion of Kaim actually wanting to take a vacation, agreed without asking any questions about what they were doing. So when she looked at her life in that moment, and they were being pounded on by rain and chased by thunder; she had a sudden feeling that she wanted to reevaluate her quick decision. She almost wanted to reexamine her friendship with her immortal kin, if it wasn’t for the fact that he seemed to know what to do in this storm. He also looked to be having the time of his never-ending life, while she gripped her little boat railing for her dear immortal one.

The beginning of this month long adventure went well. They visited places Sarah had only visited once or in books. He took her around and talked about some of his memories, and they shared moments of sorrow, but also happiness. It was a nice trip but it was slowly starting to dissolve as another salty wave hit her in the face. She spit the water from her mouth and blew it out of her nose, and cursed the day Kaim was born; even though she had no idea when, or where, that was.

“I wasn’t expecting the storm,” her boat companion yelled over the crash of another wave. She could see a hint of a smile on Kaim’s face through the dim light. She was feeling a little queasy, or what she hoped was a queasy feeling. Never had she felt this way in her long life. She held on a little tighter as the sea rumbled and splashed beneath them. “Here. Let’s go towards the middle of the boat. You’ll feel safer.”

Kaim held out his hand for her to take. With a nervous glance to her hands on the railing, she accepted the offer and took staggering steps to the middle of the boat. Kaim moved with the rocking, not missing a beat, while Sarah felt as if she was going to collapse and swim right overboard. “You must be practiced,” she observed loudly over the angry ocean.

“I spent a little while out at sea, yes.” He was calmly tying a rope to the bottom of the main mast. He then turned to her and gently, but firmly, tied it around her waist. “You probably shouldn’t go below deck since everything is probably being tossed around down there, and I can keep an eye on you up here. Better?”

“Mostly. Why were you out at sea? I thought you were a land mercenary? And where did this storm come from? And where can I put my glasses? I only brought one pair!”

She couldn’t hear his laugh over the crack of lightning and ear rumbling thunder, but she could see it form in his expression with the last question. He plucked the glasses right off of her face and tucked them into a pocket on the inside of his shirt. “The storm looked like it was heading south, away from us, but it must have changed its mind. And I am a land mercenary, but I happened to fall into a league of pirates for a little while.” He looked like he was reminiscing for a moment.

“Pirates?” Sarah didn’t like the sound of it.

“Not all of them are bad. Though none of them are really good either, I guess.” Kaim caught her as the boat shifted to the left, righting her as if this was just a weird dance they had to get through. “I was hoping we’d meet them.”

“No.” Sarah shook her wet head back and forth. Her hair stuck across her nose. “I’d rather not!” She pushed back her hair, trying to fix it but giving up. She felt miserable and wet.

“You did say you don’t meet immortals all the time, right?” Kaim asked, eyebrows raised.

“There’s a pirate one?”

Kaim only answered with a smile before he left her to check up on the tipping boat. Sarah hugged the mast as much as she could and closed her eyes. Maybe when she gained the courage to open them it would be over.

. . .

“You know, I’ve never seen someone sleep standing up like that.”

Sarah opened her eyes. Everything was blurry, and her arms were cramped from hugging the post so hard, but the sun was rising and the sea was calm. Kaim was smiling as he handed her glasses back to her. She thanked him and put them on. All she could see was blue for miles. It was beautiful, but she was a little muddled. “Where are we?”

“Not sure.”

Sarah sighed. “You know when you said vacation I didn’t think we would be lost at sea.”

“We’re not really lost.”

“Kaim. You don’t know where we are, meaning we are definitely lost!” She began to untie herself. “And I’m in desperate need of a shower.”

She excused herself and went below deck. Everything was tossed around, just as Kaim said, and Sarah thanked whoever she could thank that her books weren’t out of the chest she stored them in. She began peeling off clothes—the sea salt that stuck to her clothes and skin not helping the endeavor—still trying to ease her muscles back into place. “Oh that Kaim. He couldn’t just wake me up when it was all over. Instead he left me tied to the mast looking like a fool.” She stepped into what was her bathroom and noticed that there had been water heated and put into the wooden tub. Just seeing the steaming liquid was enough to elevate her sour mood. “Well, I guess he isn’t all that bad,” she added with a smile.

. . .

She felt fresh walking back up to the deck of the boat almost an hour later, but all of it drained out of her at the sight she saw. The ship next to her little boat was immense, bigger than she had ever seen. Her boat couldn’t even compare. It was all shiny and metal and looked like it was ready for war. She saw cannons in the porthole, and she thought the deck was at least four times the size of hers; not including the quarter or upper deck. She noticed, after squinting against the sun, a little rope ladder that fell from the top and onto her own deck. At the top of the massive ship she saw Kaim climb over the railing and talk to a blue-haired woman.

She didn’t want to call it jealousy that propelled her to the rope ladder, but she couldn’t quite pin the feeling in her gut. Tired and a little out of breath from the climb, she threw her arms over the railing and poked her head up so that her chin was resting on the railing. “Kaim, just a little help.”

He gave her a smile and tugged her on board. He then turned to the blue haired woman and said, “Seth Balmore meet Sarah Sisulart.”

“Well, well! You don’t look like you have your sea legs!” she said, slapping Sarah’s back. The pound left her breathless and her glasses toppled off her face. The woman picked them right back up for her, apologizing.

Seth was sun-kissed, and slim, but very much muscular. Her outfit, while revealing in most places, Sarah assumed was just easier to move around in. Her eyes were wild but not unkind as she looked Sarah right in the face. Sarah almost blushed at the intent stare. She felt like she was getting sized up.

Kaim cleared his throat, turning to Sarah. “Remember when I said that I stayed with some pirates? Seth is that pirate.”

“Oh,” she said not really looking at Seth’s face. That feeling twisted around her stomach again at the realization that this was the woman Kaim hung around, and she tried hard to force it down with a big intake of breath. “So you’re a pirate? An immortal one? I have so many questions! When we got here how did you decide you wanted to do this? Have you been across the world? I feel like I’m such a hermit. I haven’t met anyone! I don’t even know how many of us there are? Do you? How did you meet Kaim? When?”

Sarah slapped a hand to her lips. “Sorry,” she said. “I get so wrapped up in everything, I forget to breathe.”

Seth just laughed. “Well, I was just about to go below to have some breakfast with my crew when I bumped into you two, but we can make it a private affair! I’ll take you to my rooms.”

The deck was spotless. Nothing was out of place or mismanaged. Seth, who Sarah supposed was the captain of this vessel by the way she said my crew, kept the crew working hard. Everything had a shine to it, and Sarah could appreciate that if it wasn’t for the sun glaring on the metal. She was happy to go below the deck where it wasn’t so bright. “It’s just this way, the first door on the left. Go ahead and make yourselves comfortable! I will grab the grub.” And then she was gone, leaving Sarah and Kaim to explore.

Sarah skipped the first door—she could hear Kaim chuckle as if he knew this was what she was going to do—and went on into the next. There were rows and rows of cots in the first room. There was one young boy folding blankets. He gave a nervous wave. “Oh, hello!” she said, beaming. The boy looked to jump right out of his skin, turned beat red, and went right back to work. She tilted her head curious as to why he was so skittish.

“There’s not very many ladies that come onto this ship, Sarah.” Kaim’s voice held a hint of amusement. “They don’t get to see many pretty women about.”

She didn’t let him see her face heat up. “Except the captain.”

Kaim made a halfhearted noise in agreement and lead her away from that door. The next one was the galley where a few burly men shouted at each other while chopping and throwing food into different pots over large stoves. Sarah almost expected it to smell bad, she had read up on her pirate stories, but instead found her stomach growling at the aroma. She shut the door and went back up the hall. “I think I’m done exploring,” she announced.

“I think I hear your stomach growling.”

“Oh, never mind that.”

They went into Seth’s room. Her bed was very large and was piled with pillows and soft blankets. It was a four-poster bed, and most of the heavy curtains were pulled down. Sarah figured Seth liked her beauty rest despite her rough demeanor. There were many different chests in the room, and Sarah had to contain herself. She couldn’t be caught snooping around another woman’s things. Even if she was so very curious.

Though, when she saw the bookshelf she couldn’t hold it in. “Oh!”

Kaim sat in the corner of the room at a small table while Sarah strode over to the heavy books and lifted a volume off of the top shelf. “Ah! I’ve read this tale. A monstrous whale…” Sarah put that book back without even finishing her sentence. She scanned the others and picked up a white covered one. Numara? The History of Numara and Her Queen? An odd book to be found on a ship like this, she thought to herself. And what an odd title.

“I see she likes books.”

“An understatement.”

Sarah, with flaming cheeks, put the book back and joined the two at the table. “I hope I didn’t startle you?” Seth asked, passing her a plate.

“No. No. You’re fine!” she exclaimed with a wave of her hand. She sat down. The food that was in front of her smelled amazing and she had to remind herself of her manners as everyone filled up their plates.

“Well, to answer one of your questions, I met Kaim about one hundred and seventy years after we woke up here,” Seth told her in between bites. “I captured him and his crew after a battle. Well, what was left of them?” Seth looked over to the man. “Sorry for killing them.”

Sarah could hardly hear Kaim say, “don’t worry. I was on the wrong side anyway,” between her choking. Seth pounded her back again, effectively dislodging the food from her windpipe.

When she could breathe, she asked, “y-you killed them?”

Seth shrugged. “They were trying to kill us first. I can’t risk the lives of my own men, so I had Kaim’s shipmates beheaded.”

“Be-be-beheaded?” Sarah looked wide eyed at Kaim. “You too?”

He nodded, hand tracing over a tiny, thin, and faded line she now understood was the healed scar. “Not the most pleasant of experiences.”

“That’s when I found out that my buddy here was just like me!” Seth nudged the immortal man beside her. “Luckily, I noticed he was blinking and moving a little or else he would be lost from his body till the ends of time! I laughed watching him rub his neck for days after!”

Sarah scooted her plate away from her as Seth fell into a fit of laughter. It wasn’t a nice story to start off with, and her appetite was suddenly missing. The thought of losing her head while her body was still trying to live, left her with too much to think about and a bad taste in her mouth. Without thinking she touched her neck. “I can’t even imagine.”

“Well, when you die as many times as Kaim here has, you start to regenerate faster and faster. Weird, right? I mean I’ve only died a dozen times or so but he’s had a long life of it!” Seth was still wiping tears from her eyes, as if this was the funniest story ever to be told.

“I stayed with Seth for a while,” Kaim continued, thankfully redirecting the story. “I helped her with the cause before I found another army to go back to.”

Seth nodded, adding, “we had some fun in those years. Stealing from the rich! Breaking the law! Fighting those who sailed in our way! Doing what we please! And, sorry! I can’t remember all of your questions.”

Sarah knew just what she wanted to ask. “Why did you want to be a pirate?”

Seth shrugged a little. “I came to this world with a very vague sense of what I was supposed to do, but after living in a sea town for a little bit, I figured it wasn’t supposed to be that. First,” she ticked off a finger, “I was being treated like I was some maid to be wedded to the first man that came my way. No. Second, the law didn’t appreciate my opinions and I didn’t appreciate the law. Third, this is the way I thought I wanted to live and I was right!”

Sarah smiled at her honesty. She could tell that Seth had her own set of simple rules on life and she was definitely not one to mess with. “Okay, so do you know how many of us there are?”

“I think two more,” Kaim chimed in. “Some man, a magic user. Not sure of his name and I’m also not sure where he is now, and—”

“Ming!” Seth finished. She had a very big smile on her face. “Ming Numara!”

“The Queen?” Sarah was surprised.

“Yep!” Seth winked. “The Queen that never dies!”

“I always thought it was just descendants adopting the name for generations!” That explains the book title! Sarah could feel that anticipation of a good story spread through her. Her fingers splayed across the table and her mind was buzzing. Numara was the one place she could not get to very often, as there were strict rules on visitors whenever she managed to travel. So it was the one place she knew least about, and the one place that always managed to pique her interest, no matter what the subject matter was. “I had no idea! Do you two know her?”

Kaim shook his head, Seth nodded vigorously. “I’ve known her since almost the start! We’re pretty close! She’s the one who convin—”

But the sudden shrieking sirens cut her off. A warning; and Seth was in battle mode. The pirate captain had run to one of her chests and popped it opened. Grabbing her sword and moving to the door, she ushered them out. “Sorry about the interruption, but you’d better get to your ship and head off. I don’t want you caught up in what’s out there.”

“Are you sure?” Kaim asked. “We can stay and help.”

Seth smiled but shook her head. “It’s my battle! I’ve been waiting for these guys to show their ugly mugs! If you continue north from here you’ll hit a stretch of land and there should be a town not too far from there through the mountains. Tosca, I think!”

“Well, we didn’t have much more to go, huh, Kaim?” Sarah asked.

“Guess not,” Kaim answered with a shrug. “Then this is goodbye?”

Seth gave her friend a grin and a nod of her head. “Not forever of course!” She led them out of the door and onto the deck. The members of her pirate crew were racing around getting ready. Kaim swung a leg over the railing, holding onto the rope. He made sure Sarah had a good grip on the first rung before descending down the side.

Just as Sarah went to let go of the railing, Seth grabbed her hand in a fierce grip. She was looking at her so very fixedly that Sarah could feel her heart skip a beat. Did I do something wrong? she thought to herself.

Instead, Seth said, “Kaim likes you. I mean it. Take care of him.”

“W-what?”

“He’s had a rough life. It’s not easy or fun being a mercenary, and that’s all he knows how to do. He’s changed, though. And I can see why.” She winked and Sarah’s face grew pink. “So take care of him, okay?”

She nodded and Seth let go of her hand. She gave a little wave before yelling out orders at the top of her lungs. It was a shaky climb down, though Sarah couldn’t tell if it was from what Seth had just said to her or if it was the sudden commotion above her.

Kaim, like the gentleman he was, helped her off the last rung. The ladder was pulled up and Kaim moved fast to get the little ship moving. Soon, they found their direction and were traveling away from the noisy crew and back into the calm that lay in front of them.

“Why were you held back? Did Seth need something?”

Sarah jumped from the unexpected question. “What? Oh, oh. Nothing. Seth, she just wanted to say the directions again.” She turned to him with a smile. “In case you forgot.”

She knew he wouldn’t forget so easily. He didn’t press her about the lie, though.

Within an hour she could see land. “Funny how we left Tosca and wound up right back after that storm! What an adventurous month!” She leaned down against the railing. In her eight hundred and eighty-six years of living, this little venture, no matter how stormy, would be one of her favorites. She almost didn’t want the mountain town to get any closer.

Kaim stood beside her, quietly observing the mountains ahead. The silence was something Sarah had grown to love about him. While she liked to take up the space by talking, filling in all of the moments they had with noise, he was more of a listener. He had his share of stories, but they weren’t always the most pleasant, so he liked to just listen to her talk instead. In the hundreds—who am I kidding? It’s in the thousands!—of letters they’d wrote to each other he would tell her his stories, as if he felt a little more comfortable writing them with pen and paper than speaking them aloud. Wars and death. Personal agony and happiness, too. He told her about the families he’s had and the sadness he kept with him when he had to leave them behind. She felt very sorry for him, and kept that feeling of pity to herself, but also so very glad that he wanted to share these special memories with her, too.

He didn’t even mind when she sometimes wrote things down. Sarah was a self-proclaimed historian and documented a lot of different important people, wildlife, and events in her lifetime. Most of her writing stemmed from what she saw day-to-day, or what she had wanted to research with her endless time. When she got into a particular mood, she would travel to distant territories just to learn and write about a subject. She hated leaving Tosca behind, though, and didn’t stray away from the little village for too long of a time.

She has dozens and dozens of journals that were all about Kaim. Everything from what truly happened in the wars he fought, to old cities and countries that had fallen and were lost only to remain in memory. She wrote about what he meant to the world, and to her. She didn’t share that writing often, and some of the journals she didn’t share at all—especially the ones about how much she had come to care for her fellow immortal. But he enjoyed reading the writing he could, and also correcting a thought or two when he came around to visit her in Tosca. “So, how long before we meet up like this again?” she pondered out loud.

Kaim could only shrug. Only time can tell. And with us, that’s just about infinite.

With land so close by, Sarah decided that she’d better go down to her quarters and start putting things away. She felt a tightness in her chest. Almost as if she didn’t want to leave all of this journey behind. The boat or Kaim? she found herself asking.

She remembered what Seth said to her and smiled. Kaim at least liked her. It would be a miracle if he ever came out and said it, though. She laughed to herself imagining Kaim very nervously trying to say his feelings. With him being so serious a lot of the time, to think of seeing him struggle with words of affection made her almost giddy. Being around him this month, though, showed her a different side of him. A friendlier, not that he was really mean at all before, and thoughtful Kaim. One she could see being around all the time.

As Sarah put her damp clothes in her bags, she couldn’t help but to think of what she felt for the man up on deck. She could admit to herself that she felt attracted to him; not just in the way he looked, but also in his thoughtfulness towards her and everyone he met. Though, she could never ever say that to him in person. In the three hundred years since she started talking to him, she had grown to care about Kaim. Every time he wrote to her about what he was doing in a war, or battle, or wherever he was traveling to, she worried; and often voiced it whenever she could in writing or in person. She cared about what he was thinking and writing and hoped he felt the same when she sent him her silly letters, or when she talked about nonsense when he visited her after his long stretches away.

She didn’t know what it felt like to love someone fully, but she wanted to say it was this relationship she held with Kaim, whatever it was. Though, she thought to herself, who am I kidding? Love should feel like agony, or at least that’s what I’ve read, and I never feel that way with him. She fanned her face a little. This was not a good time for pink cheeks. She had to calm herself down before she got back on deck as to not raise any suspicion on her thoughts.

She slung her pack onto her shoulder, and grabbed her staff that she always brought while adventuring, and made her first trip to the deck. They were docked already, but Kaim seemed a little tense. Almost as if he was on edge about something. His shoulders were hunched, and he had a piercing expression on his face as he moved about tying ropes here and cleaning up there. Sarah felt almost nervous, that maybe he was angry with her for something, but it wasn’t until she turned back around that she noticed another ship had pulled up next to them.

“Kaim.” Her voice could only come out in a squeak.

“I think they followed us from Seth’s ship,” he whispered back.

The men that were on the ship were not of the best variety. There were five of them. They all held weapons, some with guns, and they were all looking down on her. Unconsciously, she held onto her staff a little tighter as she took a few steps back.

“Well, ‘ello there friends.”

Kaim’s expression didn’t change as he stepped slightly in front of Sarah. “I’m afraid we’ve never met. Do you need help with something?”

“Yer little boat here looksa helluva lot betta than ours, wouldn’ ya say boys?” the man in front called out. The others murmured in agreement.

“You can have the boat, promise.” Sarah said, pushing up her glasses. She was trying to get a clear picture of where these guys were positioned so she could possibly aim a spell. “I’ve got time to make another.”

The men laughed. “Didja hear that? She’s got time! Boats like this’n take years ta make, and I’m sure yer pretty little hands could be o’ better use elsewhere.” His eyebrows waggled as his men laughed and hollered, and Sarah felt ice run through her veins. It was the sound of the suggestion that made her feel disgusted, even though she knew that her black magic could protect her. As long as she could cast it out before they made it over to her boat.

Kaim’s frown deepened and his shoulders squared as he stepped fully in front of her. He wasn’t moving. The men must have noticed Kaim tense up. Guns were raised. Sarah could practically feel Kaim wishing he had his sword nearby. It was below deck, sitting next to where her staff was, and they couldn’t have imagined being attacked mid-morning in bright daylight. Sarah wished she had put up a wall but it was too late for that. That took too much time to construct. She cursed her distractedness.

“I need you to aim something at them. Start now,” Kaim whispered. Sarah nodded and concentrated on a spell. She could feel the buzz and energy flow from her staff to her fingertips, through her chest and body, and finally down to her toes. A good lightning strike would do the trick if she could aim it right. Hopefully it would scare them off enough to leave them alone.

“No talking! Now if ya could, please step away from tha girl. She’s coming with us along with our new boat.”

Sarah found it harder to concentrate as her heart-rate increased. These men couldn’t be serious. Like she would just walk away with them without a fight, but these thoughts were not helping her concentration. Kaim gave her a sharp look. He could tell the spell was wavering since he was in such close proximity to her. She held her breath and focused harder. The buzz was getting louder, she just needed another twenty seconds. Kaim shifted so he was in his best position to cover her. “There’s no need. Just let us off, and we’ll give you the boat.”

It happened so quickly. The leader did not like what Kaim had to say. He whistled, and the three gunman shot several rounds. Kaim managed to push Sarah down behind him before taking every single bullet.

Sarah, suddenly very emotional and surprised from the fall, screamed out her spell as she hit the deck hard. Lightning hit the men and the boat, not quite on her mark of only distracting their enemy, but it didn’t matter now. The spell caused an explosion of fire and screams. Her eyes were only on Kaim as he, in what seemed like slow motion, fell onto his knees, then his stomach, and then rolled onto his back beside her. With all urgency, Sarah’s healer mode kicked in. How many bullets and where did they hit?

Kaim was breathing fast, heart pumping out blood and soaking through his shirt. It was everywhere, and seeing the bad shape he was in Sarah found that she had lost the ability to function. Healer mode left just as swiftly as it came, and she couldn’t do anything but stare at the holes in his shirt and flesh. Kaim started to cough and she knew deep down he wasn’t going to live long. She tried to remember what she should be doing to help but all thoughts were lost, save one. He’s dying. He’s dying. He’s dying.

“Sa…Sarah.” Kaim turned his head to spit out whatever mix of liquid was in his mouth. “Remove…remove.”

“Remove the bullets.” With fingers moving on their own accord, she pulled up his shirt. If she removed the bullets now, she figured it would take less time for Kaim to heal. She finally remembered that they were immortal, and, maybe instead of having to die, he could just recover quickly from the wounds. Without even realizing how disgusting and messy this was going to be, she started to pull the bullets from his body one by one. Kaim twitched but didn’t make a sound as she did so.

The last of the nine bullets pulled out, but he wasn’t healing. The blood was running down and out of the wounds. It was too late to heal. His body was going to temporarily give up instead. She looked up at his face. He blinked back, seeing the worry in her eyes. Taking a raspy breath in, he gasped out with another wet cough, “I’ll be back soon.”

She covered his cheeks with her hands, forgetting just how bloody they were. “I’ll be here. I’ll be here.” Tears hit his face and she didn’t even realize she was crying. “I will be waiting for you.”

Kaim nodded slowly and let his eyes shut. He raised a hand up and Sarah held it with one of her own. She counted his breathes: in and out once, twice, and the third time was his temporary last.

Within a minute the bullet wounds were closing up, but it felt like agony. Sarah tried to wipe her tears away but they kept on coming. So instead she buried her face in the crook of her elbow trying to recite anything that came to mind to calm herself down. All her body could do was sob and shake. She let her arm fall, wrapping another hand around Kaim’s fingers, and with tears flowing she turned towards the boat next to hers.

The ship beside them still blazed but she couldn’t bring herself up to conjure any water on it. The magic energy was spent within her. She watched as the flames licked the side of the ship. All the men, she hoped, burning with it. Her eyes glazed over as she waited for the immortal beside her to come back to life.

Five minutes passed and then Kaim’s gasping breath drew her away from the flaming boat. She dropped his hand as his eyes fluttered open and he sat up. “W-wait! Shouldn’t you rest?”

“No time.” He was still breathing hard, but like Seth said earlier he must be used to the rebirth. He tore off the useless, blood-soaked shirt and turned to her. “Water. On that boat. As much as you can. Were there any survivors?”

Sarah shook her head, and very unsteadily got onto her feet.

“Good.”

. . .

They watched as the cindering ship sunk slowly under the water. Kaim was able to pierce the hull with his sword he retrieved below deck, and Sarah’s water spells doused the fires before they got too close to her little boat. Other than the two bullets to her deck, the boat managed just fine.

“You are not hurt?” Kaim had turned to Sarah now, hands rubbing small circles over her arms and concentrating on her face. It was as if he was trying to bring some warmth into her body. She shook her head and he nodded in return. “Then let’s get off of this thing.”

It took them another hour to collect all of their belongings and make sure the boat was secured onto the dock. Kaim looked to be fully healed by then, and Sarah now knew it took him next to nothing to get back into shape after death. It made her shiver that he was so used to it, while it took her days to really feel like doing anything after. “We should eat something before we go,” he said, opening their container that held their food. Sarah just shook her head, eyes on the mountains. Kaim placed a hand on her shoulder. “You hardly ate anything for breakfast, and its past noon. So, yes, let’s eat something.”

The bread and apple were hard to get down, but Sarah knew it was for the best. After all the crying and all the magic that was used, she was going to need something to help her get up the mountain of Tosca. They ate in silence, but she could see Kaim giving her anxious glances. That made her feel sick to her stomach. He was so worried about her, despite his own recent health and rebirth. She should be concerned about him and trying to cheer him up, but she couldn’t get over this dread that consumed her thoughts and dragged her down. She was exhausted but couldn’t bring herself to talk about her feelings, or meet his eyes.

“Are you ready?” Kaim, again, looked apprehensive when she gave her wordless reply. He kept his own mouth closed on the matter as he helped her into her pack before shrugging his onto a shoulder. Sarah let him lead up the path, his sword secured on his hip and her staff held tightly in her hand.

. . .

Halfway up the mountain, and late into the afternoon, they took a break. Kaim sat next to her on a rock and handed her a flask of water. She took it and almost drank the whole thing. She wiped her lips and mumbled out a thanks before handing it back over to him.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong? You’ve never been so quiet.” It would seem that Kaim couldn’t take her silence any longer. There was no talking on her part as they climbed the mountain all afternoon.

Sarah looked up at him and wanted to ignore him, but he looked a little bit helpless. She really hadn’t been talking all afternoon.

“I thought.” Sarah could feel the thickness of emotion stuck in her throat. She cleared it away and started again. “I know we are immortal and we can’t die, but I thought…I thought for a second I was going to lose you.”

Kaim didn’t say anything in return. Sarah sighed. “Of course you must think I’m stupid for worrying.” He shook his head eyes not leaving hers. “Well, I know I am,” she whispered, eyes downcast.

“You’re not.”

Sarah put her head in her hands. Shoulders sinking. “I didn’t know what to do. I sat there just…I sat there. I stared out at the fire. I didn’t care that it was so close to the boat. I mean…waiting for you to wake up was terrorizing. Is that what it felt like when you were there, waiting for me?” She looked up into his face when she admitted that, and, seeing his unreadable expression, then turned her head and stood up. Arms feeling weak at her side. “No. Probably not. You barely knew me then,” she answered.

She felt his hand curl around one of her own. Her heart felt like it stilled in her ribcage, and she knew that was impossible in the back of her mind. She wouldn’t look at him, though, a sudden stubbornness wanting to keep her face away from him. All she could think about was how she didn’t deserve his touch. Kaim wasn’t saying anything, but she felt his thumb trace the ridges of her knuckles. They stayed like that for a minute before he finally asked, “Sarah, we’ve known each other how long?”

“Three hundred years and some odd months.” He knows that, she thought, but her heart picked up speed.

“And what if I told you that for more than half of those years I’ve loved you?”

Sarah jerked her hand away and faced him fully. Her heart drummed in her chest, and it sounded like the ocean just abruptly crashed into her ear drums. Without even thinking she started rubbing her hands together, almost as if she wanted to rub his touch away. “I wouldn’t believe you?”

Kaim stood up, crossing his arms. “Why is that?”

Sarah’s mouth twisted. “Well, for one, you’ve never said it.”

“You know me. I’m a quiet person.”

True. I hardly ever know what he’s thinking unless he’s said it out loud. “Then why say it now? Why is this different?”

“Because I know you love me, too.”

Her brow furrowed. It was her turn to cross her arms. “And…and how do you know that?”

Kaim was all seriousness. No hint of a smile or laugh in his voice as he said, “because what you felt on the boat today is what I feel whenever I think about that day you fell off the cliff. It’s what I feel when I wake up from nightmares of running you through with my sword. It’s what I feel when you don’t answer a letter back within a week. It’s a stupid feeling because I know you’ll live forever, but it’s what I feel when I think it won’t be with me.”

She couldn’t believe it. She wouldn’t believe that that’s what she felt, even though it was exactly what her mind was telling her to be true. She didn’t want to hear it, but at the same time she wanted to hear him say it again. In her existence, she’s let only one person fill her with love—if she could even call it that, because she couldn’t quite put love into words—but she didn’t even know if that’s what he was giving back her, or if what he said was even true. Not for sure. How could she really know what love was like if she had never experienced it firsthand?

She had books. She had research. She watched as people fell in love and started families; saw the stupid things men and women did for those they knew they loved. Even if it was just to hear them laugh or see them smile. She wanted to believe that’s what Kaim was talking about, that she had already proven her love to him through actions and letters and stupid talking, but she couldn’t think of anything. Not a single occurrence in the past three hundred years. Her mind still buzzed and she mind as well be standing in the storm they experienced the night before.

He frowned. “You don’t believe me.”

Sarah’s mind snapped back to reality, and back onto land. “It’s…hard.”

Kaim stepped closer. “Remember seventy years ago when you told me about your favorite fruit that you had once around Uhra?”

“You brought that to me the next time you visited.” She smiled at the memory. She was so excited about the little fruit that she ate it right there on the spot, and felt guilty about not sharing it with him until he told her he had plenty when he was in town.

“I remember writing to you once that it was going to take me a little longer than normal to get to Tosca, because my boots were so worn down.” Kaim was smiling now too. “When I arrived you were waiting with a new pair, enchanted to last a little longer than normal.”

“I remember your boots and the shoemaker. Greo was his name,” Sarah closed her eyes as if it was easier to see his story this way. That one warmed her heart. “You wore those old boots until they fell apart. When I gave you the new ones you left Tosca almost immediately.” She laughed at the recollection, opening her eyes. “You needed to go back and offer them to his grave. I didn’t stop you.”

Kaim reached for her hands, and she let him take her fingers in his. “Aren’t these the kinds of stories you need? Proof that we do such silly things to see each other smile?”

Sarah wondered if Kaim could read her mind, or maybe her face gave it away. She remembered the letters, the secrets he revealed to her. Things he never told anyone else, not even the other immortal he knew. She remembered the visits and the times she just held him close when he was exhausted, physically and emotionally. Of course this feeling in her chest, in her soul if she could call it that, was love. She didn’t know when she fell in love with him and didn’t really care.

“Is this it then?” she asked excitedly, and with all the hope she could gather. Kaim laughed, she pouted. “I’m serious!” So much for Kaim being the stumbling romantic confessor, she added to herself sarcastically.

“Everyone feels this in a different way,” he said. “Not one feeling is going to be the same for anyone every time. I know. I’ve—”

Kaim didn’t finish the sentence, and Sarah tilted her head. He looked a sad, remembering his past. She pressed into his hands. She of course already knew of the wives and children he’s had before, and all the love he shared with them. “You care about people, Kaim. Of course you’ve loved before, and I can’t imagine how that love came to be. I care about these mortals in a different sense. I wouldn’t be able to get over the fact that the ones I love would always leave before me. I mean! Not saying that you did!” She tried to take back her words, but with every start of a sentence she knew she wasn’t making any sense. She let her head fall. “I want you to know that I don’t think less of you for it. It’s actually kind of sweet,” she finished in a whisper

His lips brushed her hand, and she gasped and looked up at the touch. She could tell from his smile that what she said was exactly what he needed to hear. Her own smile matched his as she leaned into him a little more. He let go of her hands only to spread them onto her cheeks. No books could accurately describe the thoughts and feelings she was having as they shared their first kissed. She tried to etch into her mind exactly what was happening so she could write about it later, but she knew that the description wouldn’t even come close to what was happening right then.

When they separated, and when she could feel her cheeks beat red, he bent over to grab their things. She took a moment to breathe and then reached down for her staff. When she had her pack ready to go, she turned back to the mountain path. “Still a ways to go.”

Kaim shifted his pack on his shoulder, and held out his hand. She took it with glee. “I’m feeling better than I have in centuries,” he said with a hint of a smile. “We’ll make it back to Tosca.”

“Together?”

“If you’ll have me,” Kaim answered, as he gave Sarah’s hand a gentle squeeze; and after all the trials of the past few days she knew that she wouldn’t want it any other way.


End file.
